Toxic Talks: Women Are Not Rehabilitation Centers


A few weeks ago Pastor John Gray came under fire (again) after an interview he did aired where he mentioned his relationship with his wife. During his interview he spoke candidly about his wife and how over the course of their relationship, she has endured more pain birthing him than she did their children. He also discussed the fact that he received her before he was ready to be with her, and that she sacrificed the last eight years while he was healing.

(Commentary start at 12:09 seconds)

Lets start here, women are not responsible for fixing ANYONE besides themselves, PERIOD! It is not a woman job to be destroyed and spat out so that her partner can become whole. Feminine identified women have been expected to endure hardships to earn the title of “wife”, or to be validated as a partner for as long as most of us can remember. Our grandmothers and great grandmothers grew up in an era where women were encouraged to “stand by their man” regardless of how he treated her. Women were not treated as equals but rather martyrs who carried the weight of the family on their shoulders.

Ladies, there is a change happening and John Gray’s rhetoric is a perfect example of why a number of women are starting to view things differently. Women are tired of being mentally drained for the sake of building up their relationship. As a woman, how many times have you found yourself feeling “lost” making sacrifices for someone who, in the back of your mind, you know wouldn’t go the same distance for you? As a woman, how many times have you been the one to put effort into keeping your relationship together while the other person did the bare minimum to keep themselves a float? How exhausted and mentally drained were you after it happened? What dod you have left to give yourself after you allowed yourself rot be drained by someone else in the name of love"?

The foundation for a good relationship with another person is a good relationship with yourself. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship with yourself if you’re constantly pouring yourself into someone else who is not mentally prepared to do the work to meet you in the middle. You will be drained and disappointed if you’re constantly having to uplift someone who is supposed to be your equal in the game of life.

While we can all appreciate someone who pushes us to be better, again it’s no ones job to carry us there, especially if they are having to sacrifice themselves the process. As it pertains to men, there are too many men being raised to be someones son instead of someones partner. and women need to stop facilitating “manchild” behavior. Again there is nothing wrong with supporting the person you are with but if you find yourself having to sacrifice your soul to be a light in someone else’s life, LEAVE.