"You knew this post was coming, we all knew it was coming"
If you're been browsing the web you probably noticed the debate regarding ring size as it pertains to marriage. One young lady even went as far as to say that the reason a lot of women are single is because they're not humble enough to accept a small wedding ring. *insert straight faced emoji here*
Even more disturbing than this young ladies train of thought were the comments other women left in regards to the correlation between being single, and wanting a "large" engagement ring. The conversations were completely reminiscent of high school. Freshman year to be exact.
The comment section itself spearheaded a dialogue between women who feel there is a need for some kind of conversation on what being single after 30 actually looks like. For some it's glamorous and great fun, for others it's a fucking nightmare. Regardless of which side of the spectrum you fall on, you aren't alone. Let's go over some of the pro's and con's of being a single 30 something year old woman. Pro's first.
- Freedom to come and go as you please- As nice as it is to have someone check in on you, it's also nice to have no real obligations as it pertains to checking in. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want
- More time for self improvement- Growing with someone else is wonderful but when you're single, you have even more time to work on yourself as well as your personal goals.
- You save money- Unless you're an impulsive spender coupled up with someone who's good with saving money, there's a big chance you're saving money while being single.
- You can focus on your career- As many of you know, focusing on your career can be much easier when you are free to be completely selfish with your time. When you're single, you can grind harder and become better established in your career so when you so meet someone, you're in a better position financially.
- More time for family and friends- Building your relationships with your family and friends is every bit as important as building your romantic relationship. When you're single, you have more time to devote to maintaining a solid foundation with the people you hold closest to your heart.
- Freedom to explore sexually- You read that right. If you're single in your 30's and you still haven't done too much sexual exploration, now may be the time. Go ahead and get all of the hoe out of your system before you make a serious commitment.
- Dynamics between friends change- Whether we want to admit it or not, things change when the rest of our friends get married and start families. One of the worst parts of being single in your 30's is realizing there's no one left to go out with. Everyone's lives begin to shift and you find yourself either venturing out alone, or making friends with people who are younger than you who are also single. Strange but true.
- Holidays can be lonely- Spending time with family and friends over the holidays is wonderful but there's something really special about incorporating the person you love into those activities. Holidays are extra special when you have someone you love to share them with.
- Time constraints become relevant- The irony here is that one of the biggest con's about being single over 30 is that it gives you more free time. The con is that you start to think about how much time you DONT have to waste. If you want kids, being single after 30 can make that seem impossible. All of a sudden time holds a lot of weight. Not to mention everyone is society is telling you that you're old and moldy. No pressure.
- Things are easier in pairs- It's great to be able to stand on your own two feet but with the right person by your side, you can accomplish twice as much with them as you can by yourself. Not to mention you can split costs for things, merge two incomes, and just cover more ground in general in regards to anything you do as a team.
- You don't have an in home checks and balance system- Having someone in your corner to check you when you're fucking up is crucial to becoming a better person. Whether what they have to say is harsh or not, you can be rest assured it comes from a place of love. Your lover, will always have your back even when your friends and family don't.
I wan't to place emphasis on the fact that being single after 30 is simply what you make of it. We can choose to use our time moping about what we don't already have, or we can look at the things we have and consider a special person being an addition to something that's already great.
It's not the end of the world because you're single after 30 and if it makes you feel any better, half of the people who were busy judging everyone who was single in their thirties will be single by the time they're in their forties because they took a misstep in their twenties. Just saying.
There is no time limit on love. Whether you're married at 18 or 40, your love is just as valid as the next persons, and whatever is meant for you will be for you. All you have to do is be patient. You don't have to feel lonely or misunderstood just because peoples lives are going in different directions than yours. Marriage is not the bottom line for everyone. If it's your bottom line, come at it with some kind of strategy so you can attain your goal.
Last week I read an article that said single people need to stop spending so much time with their married/involved friends. The article stated that if you're single and you desire a commitment, spending time with your married friends will only remind you of what you don't have. This is actually a valid point, not to mention married people don't move in the same circles as single people. The odds of you meeting someone while playing fifth wheel is slim to none. Spend time with people who want to get out and make new friends.
Dating is just like networking. The more you get out and mingle, the better chance you have at attaining your goals or meeting someone new through a friend of a friend. The more you get out, the more likely you are to meet people in social circles you wouldn't normally thrive in; hence leading you to new opportunities in the romance department.
I say all of this to say that you will be OK. If you're reading this article, it's because you needed to. Keep hope alive ladies. Change your mode of thinking about it will change your life. Be happy with where you stand currently and you will attract everything you desire in the near future. Be brave, courageous, be potiive.